Safety Planning Before you Leave the Relationship
Become aware of domestic violence. Educate yourself. Read everything you possibly can on the subject. The Internet is an excellent source for information. Keep any books, brochures, etc. in a place where your abuser will not find them. Refer to the section below on how to clear your Internet files. You will soon discover that you are not alone, that there is hope and there is help. Education is prevention in action. Awareness plus action equals change.
Learn and understand the three (3) cycles of domestic violence: The Tension Building Stage; the Explosive or Violence Stage; and the Honeymoon Stage. Learn your abusers individual signs of coming violence. Work on sharpening your observation skills. Does he drink more, find petty things to complain about, want to go out every night, sit morosely in front of the TV more than usual? Notice changes in your partner before he goes into a violent rage … his tone of voice, what he says, his habits, his behavior toward you and the children. Know and be as certain as you can whether these changes take place weeks or merely hours or minutes before the violence. Write down these clues in his behavior. You will have a sense of the pattern and you will feel more self-confident of what you observe. When you see the signs coming, or preferably before, get out. Go to a trusted friend or relative’s house, a place where people care about you. Be careful not to go back too soon, he may be hanging on to the rage until you return. Stay until you can be sure the rage is spent. Use a third party to speak to your partner periodically so you can avoid being talked into returning too soon.
Know, understand, and believe these facts:
- You are not responsible for the abuser’s violent behavior(s).
- The abuse is not your fault, and you are not to blame. There is nothing a victim can do or cannot do that deserves an abusive response.
- Domestic violence is not a relationship problem. It is the offender’s behavioral response that they choose.
- Abusive behavior is also a tactic used with the intent of obtaining and/or maintaining power and control over another individual that result in causing that individual harm.
For further information please contact the Residential Service Program Coordinator at:
419-228-4357 or 877-228-4357